great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
