The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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