i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
