I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
