eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
