I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
