you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
