I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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