The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
where are my eyebrows?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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