The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
