saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
