I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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