I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
