I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
