doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
