need another drink. this is the easiest way
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
