all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
