1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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