You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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