i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
