And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
