You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
