i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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