remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
