First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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