please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
