That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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