That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
