Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
