I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
