He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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