Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
