you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
