Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
