the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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