M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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