Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You smell like stripper and shame
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
