I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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