I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
