she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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