My room smells like vodka and shame
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
