the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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