All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
