I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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