And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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