Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i think my cat just said my name.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
