no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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