Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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