from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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