look no pants
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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